Last year I created a list of 25 Things I’ve Realized Since Turning 25. I turned 26 last month and figured I’d come up with another list since… well… I have nothing better to do with my time these days.
- Childhood leisure activities have become ultra competitive past times. For example, it is now impossible to kick a homerun in co-ed kickball. Childhood Alyssa would have tied up her sneaks, kissed her fingers, pointed in the sky and said “smell ya later” to the catcher before launching one to the back wall of the gym, thereby defaulting to a home run. Oh and don’t get me started on board games. I’ve seen people brought to their breaking point to answer a trivia question. There’s no such thing as games anymore, this is serious business.
- Hangovers are no-freaking-joke (amiright?). There are times I’ve woken up wondering if I’ve contracted some sort of rare strain of avian flu, but no, just one too many cherry bombs the night before. Woof. On top of it all, those suckers can last anywhere from a few hours (ha) to a few days (likely). When will I learn? Fantastic question, check back at 27.
- On that note, shots are the enemy. Plain and simple. Just stay away from them. LOOK AWAY!
- Friendships change. People change. Big time. Now I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, it’s just the growing pains intended to weed out those who aren’t truly your ride or dies in life.
- Hobbies are hard. And by hobbies, I mean knitting (good one) and/or crocheting (maybe some day) or most art projects. I tried to find a way to pass the time that was a productive alternative to drinking, but instead was driven to angry drinking due to my lack of craftability. True story.
- My parents are hilarious – and not ironically. I seriously can’t believe some of the catch phrases that come out of my dad’s mouth. He-lar. I’m pretty sure everyone likes my dad more than me and that’s fine.
- Shit gets real. Friendships end, people get married, birth, death, financial responsibilities, figuring out your career, yadda yadda yadda sometimes it’s a bit much. It truly makes you thankful for all the positive in your life. Even it’s something as small as dryer sheets that make your blankets smell like love and security (thanks mom).
- I live for brunch. It’s not just a meal, it’s a lifestyle.
- I want a house. Badly. I want projects, my own yard, a house-warming party. After 8 years of renting, with nothing of my own to show, this ish is getting old.
- Children are equal parts absolutely adorbz and terrifying. This is because I am now at the ripe birthing years and my human nature and sanity are in an epic battle. Spoiler alert – my sanity wins. Plus I can’t imagine loving my own child more than my dog. Don’t scoff at me, a lot of you are thinking it too.
- I actually like to cook. *sometimes*
- Cooking for one soooooks. My options are modifying a recipe beyond the capabilities of my math knowledge or shoveling the same thing down my mouth for 4 days.
- I am still nowhere near finding the act of baking to be anything more than complete and utter torture.
- I like my night’s in so much that I get cranky and stressed out if I have more than 3 consecutive weekends plumb full of plans. I start to recoil in to the fetal position screaming until I am back in the safety of my own bed and/or couch.
- I’m in a romantic relationship with Netflix and I don’t care who knows it.
- I’m not getting older, popstars are getting younger. Piggybacking that, today’s teens don’t know diddly squat about what real pop artists are. One Direction? Uh yea right, Bye Bye Bye! Get over yourself and put on some N*SYNC.
- These comeback tours are giving me a reason to live. First NKOTBSB, then Britney cleaning her act up, NKOT98BIIM announcing a tour and now JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE BRINGING SEXY BACK?!?! The perfect recipe for me to lose what little dignity I have left. I am NOT sorry (ok, maybe a little).
- I hate myself for not knowing the latest and greatest trendy dance. I didn’t know what Gangam Style was and corrected someone for texting me PSY thinking they mistyped PYT.
- I’m kind of over taking pictures. Ask any of my high school or early college friends, I was the queen bee of photo ops. I was referred to as “paparazzi” and my tag line was “you’ll thank me for the memories.” However, this does not apply to taking pictures with my phone. Duh. With Instgram and I’d Cap That, I feel like I’m getting closer to having an actual real-life hobby (again, see #5).
- You realize your college degree doesn’t mean jack shit. While this is not applicable for all degrees and career paths, it’s the sad truth for anyone who graduated after 2008. The sooner you realize this, the better.
- There is a giant difference between early-20 year old girls and mid-upper 20-year old ladies. If you have to ask what those differences are, it’s because you have a penis.
- Meeting a great guy really isn’t difficult. Meeting a great guy who is not dating someone else or emotionally unavailable is the real problem. More on that some other time I’m sure. In the meantime, I’ll just stick to finding comfort from my local Chipotle and Qdoba employees where the love and guacamole side with my veggie burrito are unconditional.
- One of the most valuable things you’ll ever learn is how to let go. Letting go of expectations, grudges, anger, responsibilities… there comes a time when you just have to let go and move forward, and mean it. Letting go of yourself and your appearance is completely different, yet appropriate and necessary at times. Oh hello ketchup stain on my shirt.
- Back to something chipper… day drinking is the way to go. Plain and simple. As long as the sun is out, everything is peachy. Be cautious as dusk approaches. Also known as the witching hour, this is when fun day drunk turns in to sloppy-go-home-before-you-puke-on-yourself-or-start-crying-because-you’ve-been-drinking-for-10-hours-drunk.
- There are still so many ways to humiliate yourself, you’re just tapping in to your potential now.
- 30 is still a few years away, so keep your composure you stud.
Conch Potatoes 